Dear Grace Charlotte,
Part of me can’t believe you’re four, and part of me feels surprised you’re just turning four now. Somehow in this last year, you’ve matured so much. How were you once my tiniest baby? Your birthday always brings me back to those scary first moments in the operating room, to those lonely first hours without you in the recovery room, to those quiet early morning hours in the special care unit when I finally got to hold you. It still brings me to tears. And it brings me so much joy to see you now - my growing, thriving four year old.
There are so many ways that you’ve grown this year. You’ve gained many new skills - like getting yourself dressed, riding a bike, and writing your name. You’ve adapted to new environments and routines - like your dad’s new schedule and starting preschool in a new place (but luckily with the comfort of our beloved providers!). You’ve continued to grow into being a great big sister to Emmy, you’ve gained strategies for managing emotions, and you’ve even made (small) strides in cleaning up after yourself. I love how you beam with pride when you’re able to do something independently. There are times when you’ll say, “I can’t!” But when I encourage you to begrudgingly try, I love watching the smile come across your face when you realize you’ve done the thing you didn’t think you could do.
This year has brought so many moments of joy. The winter brought lots of fun in the snow. You still laugh about the day that Dada sat on your sled and broke it! I loved seeing you and Abby enjoy play time together making snow angels or throwing snowballs to Harper. The spring brought your first tee ball season where we learned that you love hitting much more than running the bases! The summer brought our first season of camping adventures in our new camper. We watched you get engrossed in sandcastle building and learned that your version of a s’more doesn’t include the marshmallow. The fall brought us back into routines like school and gymnastics, but also brought back some of our favorite fall traditions like apple picking and Cider Day. When I reflect back on the year and think about how we’re still in this pandemic, I worry about what the impact on you will be. But honestly, I think the world could be crumbling around you, and you’d still find the happiness and laughter, Grace.
As much as I’ve loved watching all the ways you’re growing, I also sometimes wish I could put it all on pause. There are so many things I love about right now. I love how you leave a trail behind you as you enter the house - shoes, socks, jacket, Grace. I love how you hide little toys under your pillow - from doll shoes and rocks to flashlights and books, I never know what I’ll find. I love all your little sayings - “Teamwork makes dream work!” or ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset!” or “Oh, friggit!” I love the way you drape yourself in necklaces and hang bracelets around your ears pretending they’re earrings. I love how you cover Emmy with a blanket and rub her back and how you keep a journal like Abby. I love how you stuff my work bag with the drawings you want me to hang in my office and I love how you ask for a bite of everything your dad and I are eating. I love how snuggly you still are, and even though it also drives me nuts, I love listening to all the “mergencies” you call me back into your room for at night - “Mama, where do peas come from?” or “Mama, what’s 9 + 9?”
Above all, I love listening to you laugh - even your evil laugh. In each birthday letter, I’ve included something I wrote in your first: “When you smile, it lights up the room. And when you laugh, it’s absolutely contagious.” There’s nothing I love more than catching a laugh from you - especially when I need it most! In so many ways, you were meant for me Grace. When my world feels dark, you are my light. When I need conviction, you are my inspiration. I admire your will power. I admire your confidence. And I admire your ability to give grace - especially to me.
Grace, today, on your fourth birthday, I want you to know that you are a force. And one of these years, I’ll be writing about the way that you harnessed it all into the most beautiful contributions to our world. I’ll be writing about how I watched that same smile come across your face when you realized you’d done something you didn’t think you could do. But for now, I’m going to enjoy letting that force wrap itself around me. Because I know what you can do. I know what you will do. And I know I will be admiring you for it all. I love everything about you Gracie girl. Happy, happy birthday.
Love,
Mama
xxx